Baby Unwanted, Baby Wanted
by Kedame
Summary: A case brings back some old memories for Samantha.


Title: Baby Unwanted, Baby Wanted

Author: Keri

Summary: A case brings back some bad memories for Samantha.

Pairing/Category: J/S Angst, Romance

A/N: Please send feedback. I'll be happy to read any of your reviews. The good, the bad, and the ugly. I can take costructive criticism.

New York FBI HQ

Missing Persons Unit

2:00am

Samantha Spade sat at her desk trying not to cry. This case had really taken a lot out of her. A two month old baby had been reported missing by her father. They had found little baby Mia dead in a local park only to discover that her mother had abandoned her. What could possess a mother to not want such an innocent little angel? She couldn't undrstand why someone like this woman would be blessed with a child she didn't want when there were other women out there who so desperately wanted a child, but couldn't have one.

She supposed that was what this was really about. Her unability to protect her own unborn child. The child that her former lover didn't even kow about. She could never bring herself to tell him. She was afraid he would be mad that she could let a silly little thing like a gunshot wound to the leg cause her to lose such a precious thing as a child. His child. **Their** child.

She thought about hers and Jack's baby every single day. She couldn't help but wonder what their child would look like. Would it have been a girl? a boy? Would she look like his and Marie's girls? Or would she have her blonde hair? If it was a boy, would he have his father's pencil thin lips and his oh-so-lovable big ears?

She couldn't help but wonder what he would have done if she had gone to full term. Would he have left his wife and their two daughters? Or would he have transferred her to another division, so she could live out her life with their child?

What would she have named it? Certainly never something like what her mother had named her. After a movie character. Surprisingly, Jack had always loved her name. She notices how he says it every chance he gets. Which is right now.

"Samantha?" she hears tentatively from behind her.

"Yes?" she answered, trying to hide the emotion in her voice. She needn't have bothered. Jack knew her better that anyone. She could never hide anything from him, no matter how hard she tried.

"What's wrong, Sam? You've been withdrawn the last few days. Is it the case that's bothering you?"

"Very nice observation, Jack. Who wouldn't it bother?" She didn't mean to sound so snooty, but she couldn't help herself.

"Samantha, please. Just because we aren't..." He trailed off, and then picked the sentenced back up. "You know you can still tell me anything. I'll always be here for you."

Suddenly, Samantha lost her snooty attitude, and her eyes welled up with tears.

"Jack, I just can't. I can't talk about it. It's too painful."

"Come on, Samantha. Just tell me. I want you to confide in me."

"I should have told you from the beginning, but I couldn't. I still can't."

"Does it have anything to do with me or our relationship?"

"It has everything to do with you and our relationship."

"Just tell me, Sam."

Samantha didn't know what came over her. She suddenly just wanted to tell him everything, so she did.

"Jack, about a month and a half before the Barry Mashburn incident, I found out that I was two months pregnant."

When Jack just sat there, not saying anything, Samantha said, "With your baby."

"My baby?" Jack said, his his voice pained.

"Yes. God, I'm so sorry, Jack. I lost our baby when I was shot. I killed our child!" Samantha was crying so hard that her voice was distorted, but Jack understood what she was saying. He walked over to her and pulled her into his arms.

"Sweetheart, it's not your fault. You did not kill our baby. Don't even think that."

"How can you say it's not my fault. I knew I was pregnant when Iwent in there, but I went anyway because I was too scared to tell you. How selfish could I have been?"

"Why were scared to tell me, Samantha?"

"Jack, you're my married boss, and you had told me it was over 3 months before. What was I supposed to do?"

"Sam, you have to know that I still love you. I never would have hurt you. I would taken care of you and the baby."

"Yeah? How? What would you have done?"

"I would have divorced Marie, for starters. I don't know what else I could have done."

"What about Hanna and Kate? You would have abandoned them so you could protect our child? I would never have let you do that. You have to know that."

"I would not have abandoned them, Samantha. I would still see them. I don't even know why I went back to Marie. I think it was healthier for the girls when we lived in separate houses. At least then they wouldn't have been subjected to the cold way we treat each other. I could be happy and with the woman I love right now instead of miserable and in a cold relationhip

if I would have only followed my heart."

"Jack, what are you saying?"

"How would you like to try for another baby?"


End file.
